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| Renzel Gutierrez narrates how he got his life back after a long, hard-fought battle with drug addiction. Patrick Quintos, ABS-CBN News |
Renzel Gutierrez is proud of his new life and his work, helping drug-dependents in the process of getting their life back at a private rehabilitation facility in Quezon City.
Having to deal with issues of addicts almost every day, the 21-year-old admits the job requires a lot of patience.
But it helps a lot to actually know what they are going through, said Gutierrez who a few years back finished a rehabilitation program after years of substance abuse early in his life.
"Nakikita ko 'yung sarili ko sa kanila. Kaya minsan, kahit gusto kong magalit, siyempre ikaw ang staff, kailangan i-lebel mo ang sarili mo sa kanila. Ganyan ka rin dati," he told ABS-CBN News.
(I see myself in them. Sometimes, even though I want to get mad, I try not to because as a member of the staff, I have to put myself at their level. I was just like them.)
Gutierrez smoked his first marijuana joint when he was a second-year high school student. Soon after, he began selling the drug in and around his school, a "business" which got him in trouble with authorities.
Seeking to get away from dealing with a broken family, Gutierrez got his first taste of methamphetamine hydrochloride, locally known as "shabu," at age 15. It was easy for him to get the drug, because he lived in a place where illegal substances were accessible.
"Nu'ng una, gumagamit ako ng shabu, pakonti-konti lang. Pero nung nag-fourth year [high school] na ako, gusto ko na malaki. Hinahanap-hanap ko na," he said.
(At first, I only used meth sparingly. But when I got to my fourth year in high school, I wanted more. I started to habitually look for a fix.)
Gutierrez used shabu continuously for nearly four years. At the height of his substance abuse, he was a teenage dad living with his partner. He turned to crime to support his habit and his family.
"Pinahirapan talaga ako ng drugs. Hindi ko kayang bumangon nang walang drugs. [Pakiramdam ko,] hindi ko kayang mabuhay nang walang drugs," Gutierrez said about his fixation. (Drugs made my life difficult. I could not get up in the morning without drugs, and I felt like I could not live without it.). "Ang hindi ko inisip, 'yung pumatay o mang-rape. Pero ang dami kong ginawang kasalanan—panghoholdap, pangangarnap." (I never thought about killing or raping anyone. But I committed a lot of sins—hold-ups, car theft.)
As Gutierrez's addiction worsened, so did his relationship with family and friends, until even these ties almost broke.
The one person he could not live without, who he almost lost at the height of his addiction, was his wife.
"Dumating 'yung time na muntik na akong magpakamatay. Iniisip ko nang magpakamatay kasi 'yun 'yung time na nakabuntis ako ng ibang babae. Muntik na akong hiwalayan ng asawa ko e. Sa totoo lang pag nawala 'yung asawa ko, di ko na kaya,” he said. (There came a time when I almost killed myself. I thought about it because I got another woman pregnant. My wife almost left me. If she left me, I could not go on.)
It was a tipping point in his life. He did not know what to do and he could not think of someone to seek help from because of the mistakes he made.
"Na-depress na ako, wala na akong malapitan. Nagkulong ako sa bahay," he said. "Dumating 'yung time na sinabi ko sa sarili ko, 'hanggang dito na lang ba ko?'" (I became depressed, I could not reach out to anyone. I stayed home...Then one day, I said to myself, 'Is this the end of the line?')
Realizing he was ill and that he needed help, Gutierrez sought the help of his aunt, a nun, who fortunately did not give up on him.
Gutierrez ended up in a private rehabilitation center that a priest friend of his aunt had referred him to. At first, he could not take it and wanted to back out.
"Kung ikaw first-timer sa rehab, siyempre maninibago ka—ano bang ginagawa ko dito, sinong kasama ko?" he said. (If it is your first time at rehab, you'll get culture shock—what am I doing here, who am I with?)
Gutierrez recalled how hard the old rehab program was for him, as strict discipline was enforced. There was even a period when he thought of backing out from the program.
"Ang hirap! Mahirap talaga kasi 'yung program ngayon saka 'yung program ko nun, medyo may pagkakaiba," he said. (It was so hard! The program was difficult, and a little bit different from the programs used today.)
Gutierrez, however, admitted that the program was effective for him. One more challenge he faced when he was in rehab was homesickness. His family and relatives were not immediately allowed to visit him as he went through the program. Then, after six or seven months, his family was able to see him. This made him realize what he almost lost due to addiction, motivating him to do better.
Bernie Termulo, one of the people who handled Gutierrez's rehabilitation, said that every day is a struggle, even for drug-dependents who finished rehab programs.
"It's like having diabetes—you stay away or you regulate your sugar. For life. Ganoon din ang drug addiction (Drug addiction is the same). Every waking day, you tell yourself, 'no to drugs,'" he explained.
That is why he said it is important to have a strong after-care program where recovering addicts are given a sort of support system in their daily war on addiction.
Termulo went on to explain that it is a venue for recovering addicts to talk about how they are moving on with their lives.
"Kasi ano ba ginagawa natin sa drug addict? We work on his emotional, his physical, his intellectual, his spiritual sides while in rehab," he said. "Ano'ng mga susunod du'n na core areas ng buhay? His financial, his marriage, his profession."
(What do we do with drug addicts? We work on their emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual sides while in rehab. What core areas of life will come next? His finances, marriage, and profession.)
If a person who finished rehab is returning to a broken marriage, he said it will be time to say goodbye.
"Ang basic rule: stay away from negative friends, stay away from negative environments. If that environment is toxic to you, get out, he said.
Termulo is currently running a newly-founded private rehab center in Quezon City called Happy New Beginnings.
In his daily war on addiction, Gutierrez admitted that he had his fair share of let-downs, which came a few months after he finished his rehab.
He was having difficulty adjusting to his new life, especially after a school rejected his application because of his background. Gutierrez abandoned his plan of finishing his high school education and looked for a job instead.
He ended up working in a factory where he found himself again in the company of drug users. Eventually, he relapsed. "Sabi ko sa sarili ko, 'Kaya ko na siguro 'to kahit pakonti-konti lang.' Hindi pala totoo 'yun," he recalled.
Lessons he had from rehab took Gutierrez to make a better choice. Knowing that he was about to go down into the pit of addiction once again, he immediately sought the help of Termulo.
He voluntarily underwent another rehab program, finished it in a month or so, and went on to work and help drug-dependents get their life back at the Happy New Beginnings rehab center.
Asked how he feels now that he is sober, he said that it is good. "Ngayon mas naa-appreciate ko na 'yung ibang tao. Tapos tuwing makikipagusap ako sa tita ko—pag seryoso, seryoso. Dati walang kaseryosohan 'yung buhay ko... Walang pupuntahan," he added. (Now I am better able to appreciate people. When I talk to my aunt, I can take things seriously. Before, I took nothing seriously. I was aimless.)
Gutierrez shared that he is now trying to make amends to his family for the mess he made. "Maganda ang naidulot sa 'kin ng pagre-rehab. Ang pinagmamalaki ko sa lahat ay natuto akong magdasal nang taimtim sa Diyos," he said.
(I'm so much better after undergoing rehab. One thing that I'm very proud of is that I learned to pray to God.)
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